The Trouble With the Mercan Family...

[VoiceOfReason]

I moonlight as a financial adviser and want to share the story of my most perplexing client – The Mercan Family. Their story is long and somewhat complicated, but they are suffering grave financial troubles and I worry that if no solution is found… there will be no more Mercans.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Blacksburg, 1980. Big Pube Mercan stopped off at TOTS after his weekly Young Republicans meeting and drank all night celebrating the new Reagan administration. Late in the evening, he met a young woman who was equally plastered… so much so that she mistook his bluster and arrogance for charm. Their hookup that evening set everything into motion. She got pregnant. They hardly knew each other… hardly even liked each other… she wanted to end the pregnancy, but Big Pube insisted that they would do the honorable thing. They married and started their family. The young woman’s name was Demi… and of course she kept her last name after marriage – Mrs. Demi Kratz.

BP and Demi had little in common. Big Pube came from a wealthy, devout Christian family. Demi came from a blue-collar family with not much use for organized religion. Demi’s family was hard working… but usually lived paycheck to paycheck. BP & Demi would argue over everything. If he said black, she said white. They could never agree on any framework for even having a civil conversation. Every problem they had was always the other one’s fault. The only thing they did together was have sex – lots of it. If they both kept their mouths shut, they would have sex every night of their marriage. They had a big family and the sex was really the only thing that kept it together.

THE FINANCIAL PROBLEM

Right at the start, they had financial troubles. Both made good money – Tech grads of course! Each of them pulled in $125K a year. But their expenses were out of control. Demi’s mother lived in a nursing home for 2 decades. The mother had no money and Demi had no siblings… so BP & Demi picked up the $8K monthly bill for Cadillac Arms Nursing Home. The family had lots of medical expenses – appointments, drugs (depression foremost among them). They spend $8K/month on medical expenses. They live in a nice home… but it’s a sketchy neighborhood. A gated community with the projects across the wall in the South. Big Pube is a big gun owner. The monthly expenses for the gated community, security patrols in the neighborhood, BP’s guns and gun club memberships run another $8K/month.

Even with their good income, over the decades the Mercans have run up some killer debt. Three credit cards at their $50K limits. A HELOC over $150K, a $700K mortgage and other various loans. Interest payments alone have now ballooned to over $3K/month.

The Mercans consider all of these expenses to be critical: elder care, medical care, defense and debt payments equal $27K/month. The rest of their spending – food, clothing, utilities, misc expenses run another $6K/month for total expenses of $34K monthly. Their monthly income is a little over $20K.

THE ARGUMENTS

Big Pube knows they have a spending problem. He wants to reduce the family spending to $20K/month to match their income. Demi agrees that there might be some spending reductions but also thinks Big Pube can take a second job and bring in more income. Big Pube absolutely refuses to make that sacrifice – “We make a quarter million dollars a year combined! We don’t have an income problem, we have a spending problem!” He refuses to even discuss increasing income. She refuses to discuss spending cuts (for her mother, her kids) until he is willing to sacrifice as well (his gun collection, second job).

Here’s where it gets crazy. By refusing to even consider the other’s point of view, they wind up having huge, brutal arguments over little things that will not materially effect the problem, primarily in their discretionary spending. Big Pube thinks they should cut spending on food (eating in, no ice cream for the kids) and entertainment (that monthly $6.95 for Netflix is certainly not necessary). But Demi thinks her kids should not have to suffer because their parents refuse to tackle the big issues and after all… the cuts Pube is always talking about are only a few hundred dollars into a five figure deficit.

THE GRIDLOCK

Every year, they come to me with the same problem and the same arguments. And every year nothing changes, they get deeper and deeper in debt and their resentment for each other grows more toxic. Big Pube refuses to consider any additional source of income. In his mind, they cannot and should not have to work any harder than they do today – regardless of their expenses. The problem, in his mind, is all on the expense side. Demi feels like BP is asking her and the kids (and her mother) to make all of the sacrifices. Less money for Mom, Less money for the kids, Less money for Demi’s lunches out with her pals… but don’t ask BP to work any harder, don’t ask BP to scale back his gun hobby and don’t ask him to give up his VT tailgates and beer money. He thinks they are mostly in this mess because of her and her family… and in some ways her spending may have contributed more. Because of this, BP feels no obligation to contribute to fixing the problem, other than to insist the problem be fixed by cutting expenses only Demi cares about. But over the years neither side is without blame. Both think the main problem is the other is unwilling to compromise.

THE BLOWOUT

Big Pube has been growing much more agitated over the lack of serious attention given to their financial situation. The status quo keeps increasing their debt every month of every year for decades. Their relationship reached a tipping point last month when Big Pube threatened to destroy the core of their relationship. Big Pube went on a sex strike… refusing to have normal relations with Demi unless she agreed to delay treatment on one of her mother’s health conditions. For weeks, nothing got done, no bills got paid and the family’s health and security was threatened. Finally, Big Pube gave in and resumed relations with Demi under the promise that they would continue to talk about their problems. Despite the 3 week break from spending, the tantrum cost the family double their usual expenses because of Big Pube’s Internet porn bills during the shutdown.

OUTSIDE OBSERVATION

A cursory look at their problem reveals that if they focus on the big expenses, there is certainly room to reduce spending. Demi’s mother could be moved from Cadillac Arms to La Quinta Nursing Home (further away) and still receive decent care… but with less frills and more inconveniences to the family. The Mercans can certainly find some ways to reduce their medical expenses by relying less on emergency care and maybe cutting back on a few cheeseburgers and getting into better shape. And Big Pube can drop the Gun-Of-The-Month club membership for a while… after all, his 50 piece arsenal should be plenty for the next few years. It would appear that if they got serious about their big 3 expense categories… they might be able reduce spending significantly to an amount closer to their income. But if they wanted a zero balance – or even to start paying down their existing debt – they would need to either increase their income or make life-altering, drastic cuts (like maybe spike Demi’s mom’s pudding!) Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

[BG Hokie]

Respectfully.... I got bored and stopped reading after two paragraphs.

I moonlight as a financial adviser and want to share the story of my most perplexing client – The Mercan Family. Their story is long and somewhat complicated, but they are suffering grave financial troubles and I worry that if no solution is found… there will be no more Mercans.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Blacksburg, 1980. Big Pube Mercan stopped off at TOTS after his weekly Young Republicans meeting and drank all night celebrating the new Reagan administration. Late in the evening, he met a young woman who was equally plastered… so much so that she mistook his bluster and arrogance for charm. Their hookup that evening set everything into motion. She got pregnant. They hardly knew each other… hardly even liked each other… she wanted to end the pregnancy, but Big Pube insisted that they would do the honorable thing. They married and started their family. The young woman’s name was Demi… and of course she kept her last name after marriage – Mrs. Demi Kratz.

BP and Demi had little in common. Big Pube came from a wealthy, devout Christian family. Demi came from a blue-collar family with not much use for organized religion. Demi’s family was hard working… but usually lived paycheck to paycheck. BP & Demi would argue over everything. If he said black, she said white. They could never agree on any framework for even having a civil conversation. Every problem they had was always the other one’s fault. The only thing they did together was have sex – lots of it. If they both kept their mouths shut, they would have sex every night of their marriage. They had a big family and the sex was really the only thing that kept it together.

THE FINANCIAL PROBLEM

Right at the start, they had financial troubles. Both made good money – Tech grads of course! Each of them pulled in $125K a year. But their expenses were out of control. Demi’s mother lived in a nursing home for 2 decades. The mother had no money and Demi had no siblings… so BP & Demi picked up the $8K monthly bill for Cadillac Arms Nursing Home. The family had lots of medical expenses – appointments, drugs (depression foremost among them). They spend $8K/month on medical expenses. They live in a nice home… but it’s a sketchy neighborhood. A gated community with the projects across the wall in the South. Big Pube is a big gun owner. The monthly expenses for the gated community, security patrols in the neighborhood, BP’s guns and gun club memberships run another $8K/month.

Even with their good income, over the decades the Mercans have run up some killer debt. Three credit cards at their $50K limits. A HELOC over $150K, a $700K mortgage and other various loans. Interest payments alone have now ballooned to over $3K/month.

The Mercans consider all of these expenses to be critical: elder care, medical care, defense and debt payments equal $27K/month. The rest of their spending – food, clothing, utilities, misc expenses run another $6K/month for total expenses of $34K monthly. Their monthly income is a little over $20K.

THE ARGUMENTS

Big Pube knows they have a spending problem. He wants to reduce the family spending to $20K/month to match their income. Demi agrees that there might be some spending reductions but also thinks Big Pube can take a second job and bring in more income. Big Pube absolutely refuses to make that sacrifice – “We make a quarter million dollars a year combined! We don’t have an income problem, we have a spending problem!” He refuses to even discuss increasing income. She refuses to discuss spending cuts (for her mother, her kids) until he is willing to sacrifice as well (his gun collection, second job).

Here’s where it gets crazy. By refusing to even consider the other’s point of view, they wind up having huge, brutal arguments over little things that will not materially effect the problem, primarily in their discretionary spending. Big Pube thinks they should cut spending on food (eating in, no ice cream for the kids) and entertainment (that monthly $6.95 for Netflix is certainly not necessary). But Demi thinks her kids should not have to suffer because their parents refuse to tackle the big issues and after all… the cuts Pube is always talking about are only a few hundred dollars into a five figure deficit.

THE GRIDLOCK

Every year, they come to me with the same problem and the same arguments. And every year nothing changes, they get deeper and deeper in debt and their resentment for each other grows more toxic. Big Pube refuses to consider any additional source of income. In his mind, they cannot and should not have to work any harder than they do today – regardless of their expenses. The problem, in his mind, is all on the expense side. Demi feels like BP is asking her and the kids (and her mother) to make all of the sacrifices. Less money for Mom, Less money for the kids, Less money for Demi’s lunches out with her pals… but don’t ask BP to work any harder, don’t ask BP to scale back his gun hobby and don’t ask him to give up his VT tailgates and beer money. He thinks they are mostly in this mess because of her and her family… and in some ways her spending may have contributed more. Because of this, BP feels no obligation to contribute to fixing the problem, other than to insist the problem be fixed by cutting expenses only Demi cares about. But over the years neither side is without blame. Both think the main problem is the other is unwilling to compromise.

THE BLOWOUT

Big Pube has been growing much more agitated over the lack of serious attention given to their financial situation. The status quo keeps increasing their debt every month of every year for decades. Their relationship reached a tipping point last month when Big Pube threatened to destroy the core of their relationship. Big Pube went on a sex strike… refusing to have normal relations with Demi unless she agreed to delay treatment on one of her mother’s health conditions. For weeks, nothing got done, no bills got paid and the family’s health and security was threatened. Finally, Big Pube gave in and resumed relations with Demi under the promise that they would continue to talk about their problems. Despite the 3 week break from spending, the tantrum cost the family double their usual expenses because of Big Pube’s Internet porn bills during the shutdown.

OUTSIDE OBSERVATION

A cursory look at their problem reveals that if they focus on the big expenses, there is certainly room to reduce spending. Demi’s mother could be moved from Cadillac Arms to La Quinta Nursing Home (further away) and still receive decent care… but with less frills and more inconveniences to the family. The Mercans can certainly find some ways to reduce their medical expenses by relying less on emergency care and maybe cutting back on a few cheeseburgers and getting into better shape. And Big Pube can drop the Gun-Of-The-Month club membership for a while… after all, his 50 piece arsenal should be plenty for the next few years. It would appear that if they got serious about their big 3 expense categories… they might be able reduce spending significantly to an amount closer to their income. But if they wanted a zero balance – or even to start paying down their existing debt – they would need to either increase their income or make life-altering, drastic cuts (like maybe spike Demi’s mom’s pudding!) Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

[VoiceOfReason]

Respectfully.... I got bored and stopped reading after two paragraphs.

Respectfully, thanks for your declaration of short attention span. In the time it took you to post your critique you could have tried paragraph #3. It picks up

[Once]

I'm so glad you're here!

Why you ask?
Because when I post, I use 10 words when 2 will get the job done. You use 50. It was a contest I never really wanted to "win". Congratulations! I pass the Chatty and Babbles crown and sash to you.

Respectfully.... I got bored and stopped reading after two paragraphs.

I moonlight as a financial adviser and want to share the story of my most perplexing client – The Mercan Family. Their story is long and somewhat complicated, but they are suffering grave financial troubles and I worry that if no solution is found… there will be no more Mercans.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Blacksburg, 1980. Big Pube Mercan stopped off at TOTS after his weekly Young Republicans meeting and drank all night celebrating the new Reagan administration. Late in the evening, he met a young woman who was equally plastered… so much so that she mistook his bluster and arrogance for charm. Their hookup that evening set everything into motion. She got pregnant. They hardly knew each other… hardly even liked each other… she wanted to end the pregnancy, but Big Pube insisted that they would do the honorable thing. They married and started their family. The young woman’s name was Demi… and of course she kept her last name after marriage – Mrs. Demi Kratz.

BP and Demi had little in common. Big Pube came from a wealthy, devout Christian family. Demi came from a blue-collar family with not much use for organized religion. Demi’s family was hard working… but usually lived paycheck to paycheck. BP & Demi would argue over everything. If he said black, she said white. They could never agree on any framework for even having a civil conversation. Every problem they had was always the other one’s fault. The only thing they did together was have sex – lots of it. If they both kept their mouths shut, they would have sex every night of their marriage. They had a big family and the sex was really the only thing that kept it together.

THE FINANCIAL PROBLEM

Right at the start, they had financial troubles. Both made good money – Tech grads of course! Each of them pulled in $125K a year. But their expenses were out of control. Demi’s mother lived in a nursing home for 2 decades. The mother had no money and Demi had no siblings… so BP & Demi picked up the $8K monthly bill for Cadillac Arms Nursing Home. The family had lots of medical expenses – appointments, drugs (depression foremost among them). They spend $8K/month on medical expenses. They live in a nice home… but it’s a sketchy neighborhood. A gated community with the projects across the wall in the South. Big Pube is a big gun owner. The monthly expenses for the gated community, security patrols in the neighborhood, BP’s guns and gun club memberships run another $8K/month.

Even with their good income, over the decades the Mercans have run up some killer debt. Three credit cards at their $50K limits. A HELOC over $150K, a $700K mortgage and other various loans. Interest payments alone have now ballooned to over $3K/month.

The Mercans consider all of these expenses to be critical: elder care, medical care, defense and debt payments equal $27K/month. The rest of their spending – food, clothing, utilities, misc expenses run another $6K/month for total expenses of $34K monthly. Their monthly income is a little over $20K.

THE ARGUMENTS

Big Pube knows they have a spending problem. He wants to reduce the family spending to $20K/month to match their income. Demi agrees that there might be some spending reductions but also thinks Big Pube can take a second job and bring in more income. Big Pube absolutely refuses to make that sacrifice – “We make a quarter million dollars a year combined! We don’t have an income problem, we have a spending problem!” He refuses to even discuss increasing income. She refuses to discuss spending cuts (for her mother, her kids) until he is willing to sacrifice as well (his gun collection, second job).

Here’s where it gets crazy. By refusing to even consider the other’s point of view, they wind up having huge, brutal arguments over little things that will not materially effect the problem, primarily in their discretionary spending. Big Pube thinks they should cut spending on food (eating in, no ice cream for the kids) and entertainment (that monthly $6.95 for Netflix is certainly not necessary). But Demi thinks her kids should not have to suffer because their parents refuse to tackle the big issues and after all… the cuts Pube is always talking about are only a few hundred dollars into a five figure deficit.

THE GRIDLOCK

Every year, they come to me with the same problem and the same arguments. And every year nothing changes, they get deeper and deeper in debt and their resentment for each other grows more toxic. Big Pube refuses to consider any additional source of income. In his mind, they cannot and should not have to work any harder than they do today – regardless of their expenses. The problem, in his mind, is all on the expense side. Demi feels like BP is asking her and the kids (and her mother) to make all of the sacrifices. Less money for Mom, Less money for the kids, Less money for Demi’s lunches out with her pals… but don’t ask BP to work any harder, don’t ask BP to scale back his gun hobby and don’t ask him to give up his VT tailgates and beer money. He thinks they are mostly in this mess because of her and her family… and in some ways her spending may have contributed more. Because of this, BP feels no obligation to contribute to fixing the problem, other than to insist the problem be fixed by cutting expenses only Demi cares about. But over the years neither side is without blame. Both think the main problem is the other is unwilling to compromise.

THE BLOWOUT

Big Pube has been growing much more agitated over the lack of serious attention given to their financial situation. The status quo keeps increasing their debt every month of every year for decades. Their relationship reached a tipping point last month when Big Pube threatened to destroy the core of their relationship. Big Pube went on a sex strike… refusing to have normal relations with Demi unless she agreed to delay treatment on one of her mother’s health conditions. For weeks, nothing got done, no bills got paid and the family’s health and security was threatened. Finally, Big Pube gave in and resumed relations with Demi under the promise that they would continue to talk about their problems. Despite the 3 week break from spending, the tantrum cost the family double their usual expenses because of Big Pube’s Internet porn bills during the shutdown.

OUTSIDE OBSERVATION

A cursory look at their problem reveals that if they focus on the big expenses, there is certainly room to reduce spending. Demi’s mother could be moved from Cadillac Arms to La Quinta Nursing Home (further away) and still receive decent care… but with less frills and more inconveniences to the family. The Mercans can certainly find some ways to reduce their medical expenses by relying less on emergency care and maybe cutting back on a few cheeseburgers and getting into better shape. And Big Pube can drop the Gun-Of-The-Month club membership for a while… after all, his 50 piece arsenal should be plenty for the next few years. It would appear that if they got serious about their big 3 expense categories… they might be able reduce spending significantly to an amount closer to their income. But if they wanted a zero balance – or even to start paying down their existing debt – they would need to either increase their income or make life-altering, drastic cuts (like maybe spike Demi’s mom’s pudding!) Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

[BigDave]

Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

Put a bullet in Demi Cratz's head. Problem solved.

[VoiceOfReason]

I'm so glad you're here!

Why you ask?
Because when I post, I use 10 words when 2 will get the job done. You use 50. It was a contest I never really wanted to "win". Congratulations! I pass the Chatty and Babbles crown and sash to you.

It's called satire and it's an original work. My goal was not brevity... but if such a thing is unappreciated, believe me I will not make the effort again.

The post is not longer than many of the partisan "news" articles posted daily on here.

[nolanvt]

I'm so glad you're here!

Why you ask?
Because when I post, I use 10 words when 2 will get the job done. You use 50. It was a contest I never really wanted to "win". Congratulations! I pass the Chatty and Babbles crown and sash to you.

Respectfully.... I got bored and stopped reading after two paragraphs.

I moonlight as a financial adviser and want to share the story of my most perplexing client – The Mercan Family. Their story is long and somewhat complicated, but they are suffering grave financial troubles and I worry that if no solution is found… there will be no more Mercans.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Blacksburg, 1980. Big Pube Mercan stopped off at TOTS after his weekly Young Republicans meeting and drank all night celebrating the new Reagan administration. Late in the evening, he met a young woman who was equally plastered… so much so that she mistook his bluster and arrogance for charm. Their hookup that evening set everything into motion. She got pregnant. They hardly knew each other… hardly even liked each other… she wanted to end the pregnancy, but Big Pube insisted that they would do the honorable thing. They married and started their family. The young woman’s name was Demi… and of course she kept her last name after marriage – Mrs. Demi Kratz.

BP and Demi had little in common. Big Pube came from a wealthy, devout Christian family. Demi came from a blue-collar family with not much use for organized religion. Demi’s family was hard working… but usually lived paycheck to paycheck. BP & Demi would argue over everything. If he said black, she said white. They could never agree on any framework for even having a civil conversation. Every problem they had was always the other one’s fault. The only thing they did together was have sex – lots of it. If they both kept their mouths shut, they would have sex every night of their marriage. They had a big family and the sex was really the only thing that kept it together.

THE FINANCIAL PROBLEM

Right at the start, they had financial troubles. Both made good money – Tech grads of course! Each of them pulled in $125K a year. But their expenses were out of control. Demi’s mother lived in a nursing home for 2 decades. The mother had no money and Demi had no siblings… so BP & Demi picked up the $8K monthly bill for Cadillac Arms Nursing Home. The family had lots of medical expenses – appointments, drugs (depression foremost among them). They spend $8K/month on medical expenses. They live in a nice home… but it’s a sketchy neighborhood. A gated community with the projects across the wall in the South. Big Pube is a big gun owner. The monthly expenses for the gated community, security patrols in the neighborhood, BP’s guns and gun club memberships run another $8K/month.

Even with their good income, over the decades the Mercans have run up some killer debt. Three credit cards at their $50K limits. A HELOC over $150K, a $700K mortgage and other various loans. Interest payments alone have now ballooned to over $3K/month.

The Mercans consider all of these expenses to be critical: elder care, medical care, defense and debt payments equal $27K/month. The rest of their spending – food, clothing, utilities, misc expenses run another $6K/month for total expenses of $34K monthly. Their monthly income is a little over $20K.

THE ARGUMENTS

Big Pube knows they have a spending problem. He wants to reduce the family spending to $20K/month to match their income. Demi agrees that there might be some spending reductions but also thinks Big Pube can take a second job and bring in more income. Big Pube absolutely refuses to make that sacrifice – “We make a quarter million dollars a year combined! We don’t have an income problem, we have a spending problem!” He refuses to even discuss increasing income. She refuses to discuss spending cuts (for her mother, her kids) until he is willing to sacrifice as well (his gun collection, second job).

Here’s where it gets crazy. By refusing to even consider the other’s point of view, they wind up having huge, brutal arguments over little things that will not materially effect the problem, primarily in their discretionary spending. Big Pube thinks they should cut spending on food (eating in, no ice cream for the kids) and entertainment (that monthly $6.95 for Netflix is certainly not necessary). But Demi thinks her kids should not have to suffer because their parents refuse to tackle the big issues and after all… the cuts Pube is always talking about are only a few hundred dollars into a five figure deficit.

THE GRIDLOCK

Every year, they come to me with the same problem and the same arguments. And every year nothing changes, they get deeper and deeper in debt and their resentment for each other grows more toxic. Big Pube refuses to consider any additional source of income. In his mind, they cannot and should not have to work any harder than they do today – regardless of their expenses. The problem, in his mind, is all on the expense side. Demi feels like BP is asking her and the kids (and her mother) to make all of the sacrifices. Less money for Mom, Less money for the kids, Less money for Demi’s lunches out with her pals… but don’t ask BP to work any harder, don’t ask BP to scale back his gun hobby and don’t ask him to give up his VT tailgates and beer money. He thinks they are mostly in this mess because of her and her family… and in some ways her spending may have contributed more. Because of this, BP feels no obligation to contribute to fixing the problem, other than to insist the problem be fixed by cutting expenses only Demi cares about. But over the years neither side is without blame. Both think the main problem is the other is unwilling to compromise.

THE BLOWOUT

Big Pube has been growing much more agitated over the lack of serious attention given to their financial situation. The status quo keeps increasing their debt every month of every year for decades. Their relationship reached a tipping point last month when Big Pube threatened to destroy the core of their relationship. Big Pube went on a sex strike… refusing to have normal relations with Demi unless she agreed to delay treatment on one of her mother’s health conditions. For weeks, nothing got done, no bills got paid and the family’s health and security was threatened. Finally, Big Pube gave in and resumed relations with Demi under the promise that they would continue to talk about their problems. Despite the 3 week break from spending, the tantrum cost the family double their usual expenses because of Big Pube’s Internet porn bills during the shutdown.

OUTSIDE OBSERVATION

A cursory look at their problem reveals that if they focus on the big expenses, there is certainly room to reduce spending. Demi’s mother could be moved from Cadillac Arms to La Quinta Nursing Home (further away) and still receive decent care… but with less frills and more inconveniences to the family. The Mercans can certainly find some ways to reduce their medical expenses by relying less on emergency care and maybe cutting back on a few cheeseburgers and getting into better shape. And Big Pube can drop the Gun-Of-The-Month club membership for a while… after all, his 50 piece arsenal should be plenty for the next few years. It would appear that if they got serious about their big 3 expense categories… they might be able reduce spending significantly to an amount closer to their income. But if they wanted a zero balance – or even to start paying down their existing debt – they would need to either increase their income or make life-altering, drastic cuts (like maybe spike Demi’s mom’s pudding!) Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

Yeah, my Twitter habits have probably had a non-zero effect on my attention span for casual reading.

[Once]

Your response prompts me to question your intent with the green emoticon you use consistently. I interpreted it to mean that your responses and comments were meant to be good natured with no malice, which was why I used it (assuming you'd get I was kidding). It's simply refreshing to see someone here can occasionally be more long winded than me.

I'm so glad you're here!

Why you ask?
Because when I post, I use 10 words when 2 will get the job done. You use 50. It was a contest I never really wanted to "win". Congratulations! I pass the Chatty and Babbles crown and sash to you.

It's called satire and it's an original work. My goal was not brevity... but if such a thing is unappreciated, believe me I will not make the effort again.

The post is not longer than many of the partisan "news" articles posted daily on here.

[VoiceOfReason]

No worries. I don't read long posts either. This one is only for the thinkers, not the read-react-bomb throwers...

I hear many politicians say that if the federal government budget was handled like a family budget... there would be a simple solution - just stop spending. Yeah... if you over simplify things. Add a little matching complexity to the analogy and see if the answer is the same simple sound bite.

[BigDave]

I'm so glad you're here!

Why you ask?
Because when I post, I use 10 words when 2 will get the job done. You use 50. It was a contest I never really wanted to "win". Congratulations! I pass the Chatty and Babbles crown and sash to you.

It's called satire and it's an original work. My goal was not brevity... but if such a thing is unappreciated, believe me I will not make the effort again.

The post is not longer than many of the partisan "news" articles posted daily on here.

I read the whole thing. There's nothing wrong with this kind of post.

[VoiceOfReason]

Your response prompts me to question your intent with the green emoticon you use consistently. I interpreted it to mean that your responses and comments were meant to be good natured with no malice, which was why I used it (assuming you'd get I was kidding). It's simply refreshing to see someone here can occasionally be more long winded than me.

I'm with ya. I use greenie the same way. I am not here to give abuse.

[Once]

I didn't imply there was (if this was directed to me).

I'm so glad you're here!

Why you ask?
Because when I post, I use 10 words when 2 will get the job done. You use 50. It was a contest I never really wanted to "win". Congratulations! I pass the Chatty and Babbles crown and sash to you.

It's called satire and it's an original work. My goal was not brevity... but if such a thing is unappreciated, believe me I will not make the effort again.

The post is not longer than many of the partisan "news" articles posted daily on here.

I read the whole thing. There's nothing wrong with this kind of post.

[RiverguyVT]

Respectfully.... I got bored and stopped reading after two paragraphs.

you got about a paragraph past where I stopped.

[Hokie5150]

No worries. I don't read long posts either. This one is only for the thinkers, not the read-react-bomb throwers...

I hear many politicians say that if the federal government budget was handled like a family budget... there would be a simple solution - just stop spending. Yeah... if you over simplify things. Add a little matching complexity to the analogy and see if the answer is the same simple sound bite.

The problems are still largely the same and regardless of how one wishes to attack it, one thing is perfectly clear...huge new expenditures of borrowed are in no way helpful to situation.

[USN_Hokie]

I moonlight as a financial adviser and want to share the story of my most perplexing client – The Mercan Family. Their story is long and somewhat complicated, but they are suffering grave financial troubles and I worry that if no solution is found… there will be no more Mercans.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Blacksburg, 1980. Big Pube Mercan stopped off at TOTS after his weekly Young Republicans meeting and drank all night celebrating the new Reagan administration. Late in the evening, he met a young woman who was equally plastered… so much so that she mistook his bluster and arrogance for charm. Their hookup that evening set everything into motion. She got pregnant. They hardly knew each other… hardly even liked each other… she wanted to end the pregnancy, but Big Pube insisted that they would do the honorable thing. They married and started their family. The young woman’s name was Demi… and of course she kept her last name after marriage – Mrs. Demi Kratz.

BP and Demi had little in common. Big Pube came from a wealthy, devout Christian family. Demi came from a blue-collar family with not much use for organized religion. Demi’s family was hard working… but usually lived paycheck to paycheck. BP & Demi would argue over everything. If he said black, she said white. They could never agree on any framework for even having a civil conversation. Every problem they had was always the other one’s fault. The only thing they did together was have sex – lots of it. If they both kept their mouths shut, they would have sex every night of their marriage. They had a big family and the sex was really the only thing that kept it together.

THE FINANCIAL PROBLEM

Right at the start, they had financial troubles. Both made good money – Tech grads of course! Each of them pulled in $125K a year. But their expenses were out of control. Demi’s mother lived in a nursing home for 2 decades. The mother had no money and Demi had no siblings… so BP & Demi picked up the $8K monthly bill for Cadillac Arms Nursing Home. The family had lots of medical expenses – appointments, drugs (depression foremost among them). They spend $8K/month on medical expenses. They live in a nice home… but it’s a sketchy neighborhood. A gated community with the projects across the wall in the South. Big Pube is a big gun owner. The monthly expenses for the gated community, security patrols in the neighborhood, BP’s guns and gun club memberships run another $8K/month.

Even with their good income, over the decades the Mercans have run up some killer debt. Three credit cards at their $50K limits. A HELOC over $150K, a $700K mortgage and other various loans. Interest payments alone have now ballooned to over $3K/month.

The Mercans consider all of these expenses to be critical: elder care, medical care, defense and debt payments equal $27K/month. The rest of their spending – food, clothing, utilities, misc expenses run another $6K/month for total expenses of $34K monthly. Their monthly income is a little over $20K.

THE ARGUMENTS

Big Pube knows they have a spending problem. He wants to reduce the family spending to $20K/month to match their income. Demi agrees that there might be some spending reductions but also thinks Big Pube can take a second job and bring in more income. Big Pube absolutely refuses to make that sacrifice – “We make a quarter million dollars a year combined! We don’t have an income problem, we have a spending problem!” He refuses to even discuss increasing income. She refuses to discuss spending cuts (for her mother, her kids) until he is willing to sacrifice as well (his gun collection, second job).

Here’s where it gets crazy. By refusing to even consider the other’s point of view, they wind up having huge, brutal arguments over little things that will not materially effect the problem, primarily in their discretionary spending. Big Pube thinks they should cut spending on food (eating in, no ice cream for the kids) and entertainment (that monthly $6.95 for Netflix is certainly not necessary). But Demi thinks her kids should not have to suffer because their parents refuse to tackle the big issues and after all… the cuts Pube is always talking about are only a few hundred dollars into a five figure deficit.

THE GRIDLOCK

Every year, they come to me with the same problem and the same arguments. And every year nothing changes, they get deeper and deeper in debt and their resentment for each other grows more toxic. Big Pube refuses to consider any additional source of income. In his mind, they cannot and should not have to work any harder than they do today – regardless of their expenses. The problem, in his mind, is all on the expense side. Demi feels like BP is asking her and the kids (and her mother) to make all of the sacrifices. Less money for Mom, Less money for the kids, Less money for Demi’s lunches out with her pals… but don’t ask BP to work any harder, don’t ask BP to scale back his gun hobby and don’t ask him to give up his VT tailgates and beer money. He thinks they are mostly in this mess because of her and her family… and in some ways her spending may have contributed more. Because of this, BP feels no obligation to contribute to fixing the problem, other than to insist the problem be fixed by cutting expenses only Demi cares about. But over the years neither side is without blame. Both think the main problem is the other is unwilling to compromise.

THE BLOWOUT

Big Pube has been growing much more agitated over the lack of serious attention given to their financial situation. The status quo keeps increasing their debt every month of every year for decades. Their relationship reached a tipping point last month when Big Pube threatened to destroy the core of their relationship. Big Pube went on a sex strike… refusing to have normal relations with Demi unless she agreed to delay treatment on one of her mother’s health conditions. For weeks, nothing got done, no bills got paid and the family’s health and security was threatened. Finally, Big Pube gave in and resumed relations with Demi under the promise that they would continue to talk about their problems. Despite the 3 week break from spending, the tantrum cost the family double their usual expenses because of Big Pube’s Internet porn bills during the shutdown.

OUTSIDE OBSERVATION

A cursory look at their problem reveals that if they focus on the big expenses, there is certainly room to reduce spending. Demi’s mother could be moved from Cadillac Arms to La Quinta Nursing Home (further away) and still receive decent care… but with less frills and more inconveniences to the family. The Mercans can certainly find some ways to reduce their medical expenses by relying less on emergency care and maybe cutting back on a few cheeseburgers and getting into better shape. And Big Pube can drop the Gun-Of-The-Month club membership for a while… after all, his 50 piece arsenal should be plenty for the next few years. It would appear that if they got serious about their big 3 expense categories… they might be able reduce spending significantly to an amount closer to their income. But if they wanted a zero balance – or even to start paying down their existing debt – they would need to either increase their income or make life-altering, drastic cuts (like maybe spike Demi’s mom’s pudding!) Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

tl;dr


.....wait an effing second! You're BOURBONSTREET, aren't you?!

NOBODY else could string together jargon and ridiculously overboard analogies like that.

[USN_Hokie]

Respectfully.... I got bored and stopped reading after two paragraphs.

you got about a paragraph past where I stopped.

Definitely Bourbonstreet.

[CWHOKIECPA]

Easy solution. Don't get married. Problem solved.

[Major Kong]

Definitely Bourbonstreet.

I'm not sure...there's been a lack of Miley Cyrus and Sasquatch post.

[CFB Apologist]

I moonlight as a financial adviser and want to share the story of my most perplexing client – The Mercan Family. Their story is long and somewhat complicated, but they are suffering grave financial troubles and I worry that if no solution is found… there will be no more Mercans.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Blacksburg, 1980. Big Pube Mercan stopped off at TOTS after his weekly Young Republicans meeting and drank all night celebrating the new Reagan administration. Late in the evening, he met a young woman who was equally plastered… so much so that she mistook his bluster and arrogance for charm. Their hookup that evening set everything into motion. She got pregnant. They hardly knew each other… hardly even liked each other… she wanted to end the pregnancy, but Big Pube insisted that they would do the honorable thing. They married and started their family. The young woman’s name was Demi… and of course she kept her last name after marriage – Mrs. Demi Kratz.

BP and Demi had little in common. Big Pube came from a wealthy, devout Christian family. Demi came from a blue-collar family with not much use for organized religion. Demi’s family was hard working… but usually lived paycheck to paycheck. BP & Demi would argue over everything. If he said black, she said white. They could never agree on any framework for even having a civil conversation. Every problem they had was always the other one’s fault. The only thing they did together was have sex – lots of it. If they both kept their mouths shut, they would have sex every night of their marriage. They had a big family and the sex was really the only thing that kept it together.

THE FINANCIAL PROBLEM

Right at the start, they had financial troubles. Both made good money – Tech grads of course! Each of them pulled in $125K a year. But their expenses were out of control. Demi’s mother lived in a nursing home for 2 decades. The mother had no money and Demi had no siblings… so BP & Demi picked up the $8K monthly bill for Cadillac Arms Nursing Home. The family had lots of medical expenses – appointments, drugs (depression foremost among them). They spend $8K/month on medical expenses. They live in a nice home… but it’s a sketchy neighborhood. A gated community with the projects across the wall in the South. Big Pube is a big gun owner. The monthly expenses for the gated community, security patrols in the neighborhood, BP’s guns and gun club memberships run another $8K/month.

Even with their good income, over the decades the Mercans have run up some killer debt. Three credit cards at their $50K limits. A HELOC over $150K, a $700K mortgage and other various loans. Interest payments alone have now ballooned to over $3K/month.

The Mercans consider all of these expenses to be critical: elder care, medical care, defense and debt payments equal $27K/month. The rest of their spending – food, clothing, utilities, misc expenses run another $6K/month for total expenses of $34K monthly. Their monthly income is a little over $20K.

THE ARGUMENTS

Big Pube knows they have a spending problem. He wants to reduce the family spending to $20K/month to match their income. Demi agrees that there might be some spending reductions but also thinks Big Pube can take a second job and bring in more income. Big Pube absolutely refuses to make that sacrifice – “We make a quarter million dollars a year combined! We don’t have an income problem, we have a spending problem!” He refuses to even discuss increasing income. She refuses to discuss spending cuts (for her mother, her kids) until he is willing to sacrifice as well (his gun collection, second job).

Here’s where it gets crazy. By refusing to even consider the other’s point of view, they wind up having huge, brutal arguments over little things that will not materially effect the problem, primarily in their discretionary spending. Big Pube thinks they should cut spending on food (eating in, no ice cream for the kids) and entertainment (that monthly $6.95 for Netflix is certainly not necessary). But Demi thinks her kids should not have to suffer because their parents refuse to tackle the big issues and after all… the cuts Pube is always talking about are only a few hundred dollars into a five figure deficit.

THE GRIDLOCK

Every year, they come to me with the same problem and the same arguments. And every year nothing changes, they get deeper and deeper in debt and their resentment for each other grows more toxic. Big Pube refuses to consider any additional source of income. In his mind, they cannot and should not have to work any harder than they do today – regardless of their expenses. The problem, in his mind, is all on the expense side. Demi feels like BP is asking her and the kids (and her mother) to make all of the sacrifices. Less money for Mom, Less money for the kids, Less money for Demi’s lunches out with her pals… but don’t ask BP to work any harder, don’t ask BP to scale back his gun hobby and don’t ask him to give up his VT tailgates and beer money. He thinks they are mostly in this mess because of her and her family… and in some ways her spending may have contributed more. Because of this, BP feels no obligation to contribute to fixing the problem, other than to insist the problem be fixed by cutting expenses only Demi cares about. But over the years neither side is without blame. Both think the main problem is the other is unwilling to compromise.

THE BLOWOUT

Big Pube has been growing much more agitated over the lack of serious attention given to their financial situation. The status quo keeps increasing their debt every month of every year for decades. Their relationship reached a tipping point last month when Big Pube threatened to destroy the core of their relationship. Big Pube went on a sex strike… refusing to have normal relations with Demi unless she agreed to delay treatment on one of her mother’s health conditions. For weeks, nothing got done, no bills got paid and the family’s health and security was threatened. Finally, Big Pube gave in and resumed relations with Demi under the promise that they would continue to talk about their problems. Despite the 3 week break from spending, the tantrum cost the family double their usual expenses because of Big Pube’s Internet porn bills during the shutdown.

OUTSIDE OBSERVATION

A cursory look at their problem reveals that if they focus on the big expenses, there is certainly room to reduce spending. Demi’s mother could be moved from Cadillac Arms to La Quinta Nursing Home (further away) and still receive decent care… but with less frills and more inconveniences to the family. The Mercans can certainly find some ways to reduce their medical expenses by relying less on emergency care and maybe cutting back on a few cheeseburgers and getting into better shape. And Big Pube can drop the Gun-Of-The-Month club membership for a while… after all, his 50 piece arsenal should be plenty for the next few years. It would appear that if they got serious about their big 3 expense categories… they might be able reduce spending significantly to an amount closer to their income. But if they wanted a zero balance – or even to start paying down their existing debt – they would need to either increase their income or make life-altering, drastic cuts (like maybe spike Demi’s mom’s pudding!) Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

Im calling BS... 125K in 1980 is Senior Astronaut, Hopkins Brain Surgeon money...

[BG Hokie]

I moonlight as a financial adviser and want to share the story of my most perplexing client – The Mercan Family. Their story is long and somewhat complicated, but they are suffering grave financial troubles and I worry that if no solution is found… there will be no more Mercans.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Blacksburg, 1980. Big Pube Mercan stopped off at TOTS after his weekly Young Republicans meeting and drank all night celebrating the new Reagan administration. Late in the evening, he met a young woman who was equally plastered… so much so that she mistook his bluster and arrogance for charm. Their hookup that evening set everything into motion. She got pregnant. They hardly knew each other… hardly even liked each other… she wanted to end the pregnancy, but Big Pube insisted that they would do the honorable thing. They married and started their family. The young woman’s name was Demi… and of course she kept her last name after marriage – Mrs. Demi Kratz.

BP and Demi had little in common. Big Pube came from a wealthy, devout Christian family. Demi came from a blue-collar family with not much use for organized religion. Demi’s family was hard working… but usually lived paycheck to paycheck. BP & Demi would argue over everything. If he said black, she said white. They could never agree on any framework for even having a civil conversation. Every problem they had was always the other one’s fault. The only thing they did together was have sex – lots of it. If they both kept their mouths shut, they would have sex every night of their marriage. They had a big family and the sex was really the only thing that kept it together.

THE FINANCIAL PROBLEM

Right at the start, they had financial troubles. Both made good money – Tech grads of course! Each of them pulled in $125K a year. But their expenses were out of control. Demi’s mother lived in a nursing home for 2 decades. The mother had no money and Demi had no siblings… so BP & Demi picked up the $8K monthly bill for Cadillac Arms Nursing Home. The family had lots of medical expenses – appointments, drugs (depression foremost among them). They spend $8K/month on medical expenses. They live in a nice home… but it’s a sketchy neighborhood. A gated community with the projects across the wall in the South. Big Pube is a big gun owner. The monthly expenses for the gated community, security patrols in the neighborhood, BP’s guns and gun club memberships run another $8K/month.

Even with their good income, over the decades the Mercans have run up some killer debt. Three credit cards at their $50K limits. A HELOC over $150K, a $700K mortgage and other various loans. Interest payments alone have now ballooned to over $3K/month.

The Mercans consider all of these expenses to be critical: elder care, medical care, defense and debt payments equal $27K/month. The rest of their spending – food, clothing, utilities, misc expenses run another $6K/month for total expenses of $34K monthly. Their monthly income is a little over $20K.

THE ARGUMENTS

Big Pube knows they have a spending problem. He wants to reduce the family spending to $20K/month to match their income. Demi agrees that there might be some spending reductions but also thinks Big Pube can take a second job and bring in more income. Big Pube absolutely refuses to make that sacrifice – “We make a quarter million dollars a year combined! We don’t have an income problem, we have a spending problem!” He refuses to even discuss increasing income. She refuses to discuss spending cuts (for her mother, her kids) until he is willing to sacrifice as well (his gun collection, second job).

Here’s where it gets crazy. By refusing to even consider the other’s point of view, they wind up having huge, brutal arguments over little things that will not materially effect the problem, primarily in their discretionary spending. Big Pube thinks they should cut spending on food (eating in, no ice cream for the kids) and entertainment (that monthly $6.95 for Netflix is certainly not necessary). But Demi thinks her kids should not have to suffer because their parents refuse to tackle the big issues and after all… the cuts Pube is always talking about are only a few hundred dollars into a five figure deficit.

THE GRIDLOCK

Every year, they come to me with the same problem and the same arguments. And every year nothing changes, they get deeper and deeper in debt and their resentment for each other grows more toxic. Big Pube refuses to consider any additional source of income. In his mind, they cannot and should not have to work any harder than they do today – regardless of their expenses. The problem, in his mind, is all on the expense side. Demi feels like BP is asking her and the kids (and her mother) to make all of the sacrifices. Less money for Mom, Less money for the kids, Less money for Demi’s lunches out with her pals… but don’t ask BP to work any harder, don’t ask BP to scale back his gun hobby and don’t ask him to give up his VT tailgates and beer money. He thinks they are mostly in this mess because of her and her family… and in some ways her spending may have contributed more. Because of this, BP feels no obligation to contribute to fixing the problem, other than to insist the problem be fixed by cutting expenses only Demi cares about. But over the years neither side is without blame. Both think the main problem is the other is unwilling to compromise.

THE BLOWOUT

Big Pube has been growing much more agitated over the lack of serious attention given to their financial situation. The status quo keeps increasing their debt every month of every year for decades. Their relationship reached a tipping point last month when Big Pube threatened to destroy the core of their relationship. Big Pube went on a sex strike… refusing to have normal relations with Demi unless she agreed to delay treatment on one of her mother’s health conditions. For weeks, nothing got done, no bills got paid and the family’s health and security was threatened. Finally, Big Pube gave in and resumed relations with Demi under the promise that they would continue to talk about their problems. Despite the 3 week break from spending, the tantrum cost the family double their usual expenses because of Big Pube’s Internet porn bills during the shutdown.

OUTSIDE OBSERVATION

A cursory look at their problem reveals that if they focus on the big expenses, there is certainly room to reduce spending. Demi’s mother could be moved from Cadillac Arms to La Quinta Nursing Home (further away) and still receive decent care… but with less frills and more inconveniences to the family. The Mercans can certainly find some ways to reduce their medical expenses by relying less on emergency care and maybe cutting back on a few cheeseburgers and getting into better shape. And Big Pube can drop the Gun-Of-The-Month club membership for a while… after all, his 50 piece arsenal should be plenty for the next few years. It would appear that if they got serious about their big 3 expense categories… they might be able reduce spending significantly to an amount closer to their income. But if they wanted a zero balance – or even to start paying down their existing debt – they would need to either increase their income or make life-altering, drastic cuts (like maybe spike Demi’s mom’s pudding!) Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

tl;dr


.....wait an effing second! You're BOURBONSTREET, aren't you?!

NOBODY else could string together jargon and ridiculously overboard analogies like that.

Ok, now I'm intrigued and now I read it. Much more entertaining with the potential Bstreet backstory in mind. Kudos. Not a bad piece and some of the analogies are silly (intentionally so) but I do think there is a lot of truth to the overall analogy.

[cwtcr hokie]

So the moral of the story is not to keep spending and not spend more than you bring in. As for the federal gov. this is my issue. I have paid a straight tax into social security and medicare for my whole life, in addition I put money way from each paycheck to try and make sure I have some kind of retirement to rely on. So now you tell all the people that played by the rules, paid their straight tax their whole working career into S/S anc M/C that they were chumps and just should have spent every time they ever made so they could not be "means" tested out of S/S and M/C... you really think that is going to fly. Hey americans, spend every dime you ever make and be rewarded or save money and sacrifice and be punished...... good plan

I moonlight as a financial adviser and want to share the story of my most perplexing client – The Mercan Family. Their story is long and somewhat complicated, but they are suffering grave financial troubles and I worry that if no solution is found… there will be no more Mercans.

THE BEGINNING

It started in Blacksburg, 1980. Big Pube Mercan stopped off at TOTS after his weekly Young Republicans meeting and drank all night celebrating the new Reagan administration. Late in the evening, he met a young woman who was equally plastered… so much so that she mistook his bluster and arrogance for charm. Their hookup that evening set everything into motion. She got pregnant. They hardly knew each other… hardly even liked each other… she wanted to end the pregnancy, but Big Pube insisted that they would do the honorable thing. They married and started their family. The young woman’s name was Demi… and of course she kept her last name after marriage – Mrs. Demi Kratz.

BP and Demi had little in common. Big Pube came from a wealthy, devout Christian family. Demi came from a blue-collar family with not much use for organized religion. Demi’s family was hard working… but usually lived paycheck to paycheck. BP & Demi would argue over everything. If he said black, she said white. They could never agree on any framework for even having a civil conversation. Every problem they had was always the other one’s fault. The only thing they did together was have sex – lots of it. If they both kept their mouths shut, they would have sex every night of their marriage. They had a big family and the sex was really the only thing that kept it together.

THE FINANCIAL PROBLEM

Right at the start, they had financial troubles. Both made good money – Tech grads of course! Each of them pulled in $125K a year. But their expenses were out of control. Demi’s mother lived in a nursing home for 2 decades. The mother had no money and Demi had no siblings… so BP & Demi picked up the $8K monthly bill for Cadillac Arms Nursing Home. The family had lots of medical expenses – appointments, drugs (depression foremost among them). They spend $8K/month on medical expenses. They live in a nice home… but it’s a sketchy neighborhood. A gated community with the projects across the wall in the South. Big Pube is a big gun owner. The monthly expenses for the gated community, security patrols in the neighborhood, BP’s guns and gun club memberships run another $8K/month.

Even with their good income, over the decades the Mercans have run up some killer debt. Three credit cards at their $50K limits. A HELOC over $150K, a $700K mortgage and other various loans. Interest payments alone have now ballooned to over $3K/month.

The Mercans consider all of these expenses to be critical: elder care, medical care, defense and debt payments equal $27K/month. The rest of their spending – food, clothing, utilities, misc expenses run another $6K/month for total expenses of $34K monthly. Their monthly income is a little over $20K.

THE ARGUMENTS

Big Pube knows they have a spending problem. He wants to reduce the family spending to $20K/month to match their income. Demi agrees that there might be some spending reductions but also thinks Big Pube can take a second job and bring in more income. Big Pube absolutely refuses to make that sacrifice – “We make a quarter million dollars a year combined! We don’t have an income problem, we have a spending problem!” He refuses to even discuss increasing income. She refuses to discuss spending cuts (for her mother, her kids) until he is willing to sacrifice as well (his gun collection, second job).

Here’s where it gets crazy. By refusing to even consider the other’s point of view, they wind up having huge, brutal arguments over little things that will not materially effect the problem, primarily in their discretionary spending. Big Pube thinks they should cut spending on food (eating in, no ice cream for the kids) and entertainment (that monthly $6.95 for Netflix is certainly not necessary). But Demi thinks her kids should not have to suffer because their parents refuse to tackle the big issues and after all… the cuts Pube is always talking about are only a few hundred dollars into a five figure deficit.

THE GRIDLOCK

Every year, they come to me with the same problem and the same arguments. And every year nothing changes, they get deeper and deeper in debt and their resentment for each other grows more toxic. Big Pube refuses to consider any additional source of income. In his mind, they cannot and should not have to work any harder than they do today – regardless of their expenses. The problem, in his mind, is all on the expense side. Demi feels like BP is asking her and the kids (and her mother) to make all of the sacrifices. Less money for Mom, Less money for the kids, Less money for Demi’s lunches out with her pals… but don’t ask BP to work any harder, don’t ask BP to scale back his gun hobby and don’t ask him to give up his VT tailgates and beer money. He thinks they are mostly in this mess because of her and her family… and in some ways her spending may have contributed more. Because of this, BP feels no obligation to contribute to fixing the problem, other than to insist the problem be fixed by cutting expenses only Demi cares about. But over the years neither side is without blame. Both think the main problem is the other is unwilling to compromise.

THE BLOWOUT

Big Pube has been growing much more agitated over the lack of serious attention given to their financial situation. The status quo keeps increasing their debt every month of every year for decades. Their relationship reached a tipping point last month when Big Pube threatened to destroy the core of their relationship. Big Pube went on a sex strike… refusing to have normal relations with Demi unless she agreed to delay treatment on one of her mother’s health conditions. For weeks, nothing got done, no bills got paid and the family’s health and security was threatened. Finally, Big Pube gave in and resumed relations with Demi under the promise that they would continue to talk about their problems. Despite the 3 week break from spending, the tantrum cost the family double their usual expenses because of Big Pube’s Internet porn bills during the shutdown.

OUTSIDE OBSERVATION

A cursory look at their problem reveals that if they focus on the big expenses, there is certainly room to reduce spending. Demi’s mother could be moved from Cadillac Arms to La Quinta Nursing Home (further away) and still receive decent care… but with less frills and more inconveniences to the family. The Mercans can certainly find some ways to reduce their medical expenses by relying less on emergency care and maybe cutting back on a few cheeseburgers and getting into better shape. And Big Pube can drop the Gun-Of-The-Month club membership for a while… after all, his 50 piece arsenal should be plenty for the next few years. It would appear that if they got serious about their big 3 expense categories… they might be able reduce spending significantly to an amount closer to their income. But if they wanted a zero balance – or even to start paying down their existing debt – they would need to either increase their income or make life-altering, drastic cuts (like maybe spike Demi’s mom’s pudding!) Complex problems are rarely solved by simple solutions. If you were their financial advisor… what would you advise that they do?

[133743Hokie]

No worries. I don't read long posts either. This one is only for the thinkers, not the read-react-bomb throwers...

I hear many politicians say that if the federal government budget was handled like a family budget... there would be a simple solution - just stop spending. Yeah... if you over simplify things. Add a little matching complexity to the analogy and see if the answer is the same simple sound bite.

Big Pube got a second job last year and forced Demi and the rest of the family to spend no more than they did the previous year. So it's time for Demi and the gang to make some serious cuts starting now (not eased in over the next 10 years) and to actually follow thru with them to show that they are just as serious as BP was about getting the second job. If they commit to reducing their spending and prove over a short time that they can actually do it then Big Pube might look for a better second job to help close the gap. But until his family shows they can control their spending habit then its status quo.

[VoiceOfReason]

tl;dr


.....wait an effing second! You're BOURBONSTREET, aren't you?!

NOBODY else could string together jargon and ridiculously overboard analogies like that.

No disrespect to Mr. Bourbonstreet... but if you guys think my writing style is in ANY way similar to his... well... uh... better I don't finish that sentence.

And seriously, stop trying to guess who I am because...
1) you won't recognize my TSL handle
2) even if you did... it would not mean anything to you

I am not in the IN crowd at TSL.

[VoiceOfReason]

Ok, now I'm intrigued and now I read it. Much more entertaining with the potential Bstreet backstory in mind. Kudos. Not a bad piece and some of the analogies are silly (intentionally so) but I do think there is a lot of truth to the overall analogy.

Sorry to disappoint on the Bstreet angle... but thanks for reading anyway. Yes, some of the analogies are intentionally silly... without distracting from the over point of the post. I think it is a much more honest way of looking at things than the over simplifications and talking points from politicians.

Stripping everything away, I can boil down the post to this nugget:
Many real American families have very difficult choices to make with their family budget. If their solutions are not so simple, then why do politicians try and make the entire federal government budget problem fit some simple platitudes?

[VoiceOfReason]

So the moral of the story is not to keep spending and not spend more than you bring in. As for the federal gov. this is my issue. I have paid a straight tax into social security and medicare for my whole life, in addition I put money way from each paycheck to try and make sure I have some kind of retirement to rely on. So now you tell all the people that played by the rules, paid their straight tax their whole working career into S/S anc M/C that they were chumps and just should have spent every time they ever made so they could not be "means" tested out of S/S and M/C... you really think that is going to fly. Hey americans, spend every dime you ever make and be rewarded or save money and sacrifice and be punished...... good plan

Thanks for reading and responding cwctr. You are correct about the moral of the story and this is my issue with the Fed Govt too, as I also have played by the rules just like you have.

But I don't know where your last few sentences come from. Certainly not my story... since nothing of the sort is recommended or discussed in it. As for your conclusion about people who spend too much being means tested into better outcomes... that is not how it works. Means testing is based only on income, not accumulated assets. The Mercan family in the story spends like drunken Vikings... but they are means tested out of any assistance due to their income. So how are they better off?