Experience with hard core alcoholic?

[Bay_area_Hokie]

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


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[Major Kong]

My BIL.

He's 59 yrs. old...looks like he's in his mid 70's. Nothing has helped but we keep trying.

[RiverguyVT]

He must find his own bottom.
An alcoholic who does not wish for help, won't get it.

[Florida Hokie]

I have a suggestion. Call the cops on him next time you know he drives. Tell him you'll do it every time. He'll hate you for it but tell him you don't want him to kill anyone, not the least of who would be him.

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[UpstateSCHokie]

There's probably not much you can do, but it depends on how far gone he is.

I had a friend several years ago that was an alcoholic. There was no reasoning with him. He finally got arrested and put in jail for drunk driving. I lost touch with him after that, so I'm not sure if that was enough for him to stop drinking or not. But I think the only chance to "cure" someone like that is to either have the holy hell scared out of them, or let them self destruct to the point where they end up in jail.

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Bay_area_Hokie]

There's probably not much you can do, but it depends on how far gone he is.

I had a friend several years ago that was an alcoholic. There was no reasoning with him. He finally got arrested and put in jail for drunk driving. I lost touch with him after that, so I'm not sure if that was enough for him to stop drinking or not. But I think the only chance to "cure" someone like that is to either have the holy hell scared out of them, or let them self destruct to the point where they end up in jail.

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yeah, I don't know what to do. This guy has totally lost his family. His wife was a real piece of ass, and she left him and is about to get remarried. His son, taking his dad as a role model, literally went on a bender one weekend and the police found him dead at 24. I was called by the cops, and was asked to clean up the house as the parents were out of town and they didn't want them to find the mess. It was horrific...bodily fluids everywhere, and 100 empty liquor, wine and beer bottles. His daughter, who seems to have most of his negative personality traits, has cut him out of her life.

So, I bring this up only because I am not sure where his bottom is. What is worse than losing your family and staring at the prospect of being alone till you die with nobody in your life?


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[UpstateSCHokie]

I think FloHo is right. Probably the best thing you can do for him is call the police the next time you see him driving drunk. You might consider letting him know you will do this as a curiosity unless you think he'll seek retribution on you and/or you family. But jail would be great re-hab since he won't be able to get his liquor fix behind bars. Of course a jail record could also have damaging consequences for his future (i.e. job prospects), but would it be better than him ending up dead or killing someone else? I don't envy your situation.

There's probably not much you can do, but it depends on how far gone he is.

I had a friend several years ago that was an alcoholic. There was no reasoning with him. He finally got arrested and put in jail for drunk driving. I lost touch with him after that, so I'm not sure if that was enough for him to stop drinking or not. But I think the only chance to "cure" someone like that is to either have the holy hell scared out of them, or let them self destruct to the point where they end up in jail.

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yeah, I don't know what to do. This guy has totally lost his family. His wife was a real piece of ass, and she left him and is about to get remarried. His son, taking his dad as a role model, literally went on a bender one weekend and the police found him dead at 24. I was called by the cops, and was asked to clean up the house as the parents were out of town and they didn't want them to find the mess. It was horrific...bodily fluids everywhere, and 100 empty liquor, wine and beer bottles. His daughter, who seems to have most of his negative personality traits, has cut him out of her life.

So, I bring this up only because I am not sure where his bottom is. What is worse than losing your family and staring at the prospect of being alone till you die with nobody in your life?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[CWHOKIECPA]

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

He needs more than AA. He needs a psychiatrist.

[Hokie5150]

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Sadly, there is not much you are likely to be able to do to help the guy. It has to come from within himself and it doesn't sound like he's "there" yet. He'll either reach out for help one day or he'll drink himself to death...but ultimately the choice is his. You can let his choice beat you up, though. It sucks...

[cwtcr hokie]

Bad situation, but the reality is if the guy does not want to help himself nobody can do it for him or make it happen. He has to help himself, sounds like to me tho he has given up completely, my guess is his liver does that also in the future, bad way to go

There's probably not much you can do, but it depends on how far gone he is.

I had a friend several years ago that was an alcoholic. There was no reasoning with him. He finally got arrested and put in jail for drunk driving. I lost touch with him after that, so I'm not sure if that was enough for him to stop drinking or not. But I think the only chance to "cure" someone like that is to either have the holy hell scared out of them, or let them self destruct to the point where they end up in jail.

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yeah, I don't know what to do. This guy has totally lost his family. His wife was a real piece of ass, and she left him and is about to get remarried. His son, taking his dad as a role model, literally went on a bender one weekend and the police found him dead at 24. I was called by the cops, and was asked to clean up the house as the parents were out of town and they didn't want them to find the mess. It was horrific...bodily fluids everywhere, and 100 empty liquor, wine and beer bottles. His daughter, who seems to have most of his negative personality traits, has cut him out of her life.

So, I bring this up only because I am not sure where his bottom is. What is worse than losing your family and staring at the prospect of being alone till you die with nobody in your life?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Once]

Try not to think of it in terms of what bottom would look like for you. I'm guessing from what little I've read here about you that if your wife said "it's me or the bottle and I'm taking your kids with me.", that would be your bottom. I'm sure your friend's wife said something similar and it wasn't enough. At this point, if I were you I'd protect myself and my family from potentially dead dangerous behavior. If you know he's drunk and getting behind the wheel, call the police. Your kids are younger than your friend's and don't need to see what this looks like. That said, allowing your kids age appropriate information on what your friend is struggling with and the consequences could be an instructive and helpful (albeit unpleasant) lesson. You don't have to abandon him but insulating your family and being there to pick up the pieces when the guy's life totally implodes is messy business. You might think his life has already gotten as bad as it's going to, but maybe not yet. He's lost his wife and children in some form. He has a new job to lose yet, a DUI to acquire, a potential lawsuit/criminal charges stemming from whatever hapless stranger he may injure/kill, and the total collapse of his physical and mental health left. You have to know that his bottom may be too late for him and you can't drag him where he needs to be.

It's an insidious disease. As most of you know, my brother's addictions finally killed him in August and near the end, he had nothing left to lose and was honest. He said he had no significant period of sobriety (more than a few weeks) since he was 15, including the years he was incarcerated (access in prison was never a problem). He struggled with addictions but he also struggled with deep depression associated with failing everyday to stop himself from drinking or taking something. He thought he was dirt and to escape that feeling, he used whatever he had access to (horrible vicious circle). In the end he had permanent mental damage and was like a manic child. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but death was his bottom.

For what it's worth, I'm sincerely sorry you are watching someone you care about self destruct.

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[RiverguyVT]

He needs more than AA. He needs a psychiatrist.

sometimes, the two work at odds against each other.

[RiverguyVT]

Once- yes.

[Once]

Thanks. I was a little concerned it came off as harsh and cold, which wasn't my intent at all. It's a crappy situation.

Once- yes.

[Bay_area_Hokie]

Thanks. I was a little concerned it came off as harsh and cold, which wasn't my intent at all. It's a crappy situation.

Once- yes.

Thanks for all the suggestions, kind words. This is quite a pickle. Thanks again!


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[RiverguyVT]

Thanks. I was a little concerned it came off as harsh and cold, which wasn't my intent at all. It's a crappy situation.

Once- yes.

One of the most useful, well-put posts ive seen here.
And as always w/ yours, well written.

[awesome guy]

[Valencia Hokie]

Old friend, who is a giant pain in the ass btw, seems to be drinking himself to death.

Some highlights
-------------------

Early 50s, looks 60s
Ex Big 5 partner, so he has made coin in the past, and probably has assets
Wife of 30 years left him a few years ago
Twenty something daughter won't talk to him due to his drinking
About ten years ago, his son drank himself to death
Seems to have no friends
Missed work for about 3 years after his son died. Got laid off, was a mess, out do work for what seemed like forever.
Seems to have gotten back in his feet a little financially. Has a job again.
Gets totally loaded every day.
My wife hates him, won't allow him over here as he is too drunk always, and doesn't want him killing one of our neighbors.


Those are the highlights. When I try to talk to him about his drinking, he says ,"I have already lost everything so what does it matter", ignoring the fact that he could be looking at incarceration, bankruptcy(if he loses a job again, or early death).

I have reached out to him about getting help but he says, "AA is for losers. I tried and didn't like it".

Hopeless?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I'm meeting with an old high school friend who was/is a raging alcoholic. On more than one occasion I've gotten in a physical altercation with him to take his keys before he killed someone. The guys was pretty messed up. His parents told him he was a mistake. Never wanted kids but he slipped through the cracks (no pun intended) and he was never able to really deal with that hurt.

As for your buddy, sounds like some of this was precipitated by the loss of his son and the ensuing grief. Maybe he's never been able to deal with that and it's the catalyst of the spiral. My buddy is doing much better and working through his issues but his functional savior was Antabuse. It does not make them stop drinking but they get wicked sick when they consume alcohol on it. I helped my buddy come up for air in order to get help.

As Once already noted, there are MUCH deeper issues at play here. They often need some help to get off the emotional pain killer (alcohol) to get real emotional pain help.

Do you know if he's tried anything like that? If he does, he needs to get into counseling ASAP. Can't waste any sober moments.

Very tough to read and I'm sure harder to experience.